What was your ambition as a child? Mine was to be a mother.
I was 4 when I first learned that I wanted to be a mother. Pretty shocking to some, I know. But to me, being a mother is a priceless and extremely rewarding experience. And today, I can attest to that statement.
I was never the studious type, I read chapter one of my history textbook repeatedly when I studied for my O’levels, because I kept falling asleep before I complete the chapter. When I found out I was pregnant, I picked up my first-ever book that contained more than 300 pages, yes, one that was more than an inch thick. I completed the book in a mere 1 week – Miriam Stoppard’s Conception, Pregnancy and Birth. After that, I picked up several more other books during my entire gestation period. I never read that many books throughout the 28 years before I had a baby inside me. I could have been mistaken for studying for my PHD.
During my pregnancy, I knew I was going to be an extremely hands-on mother. I was going to be the main caregiver, the one who sets the rules, the one whom my baby will look for when she cries. That was the kind of mother I wanted to be, for in my opinion, that is what a mother should be.
When Rhea was born in Nov 2009 after a 20-hour labour, I held her in my arms and I cried. I was over-whelmed by the joy of finally holding the little Han whom I carried inside me for whole 9 months. In the first month, I was all geared up to be the best mommy I can ever be, breast-feeding her despite having sore and bleeding nipples, jumping up from my sleep at the slightest sound she made, bathing her on my own in the bathtub from day one while recovering from childbirth. I was prepared to do anything.
In my second month, I became tired. Tired of Rhea’s constant crying, frustrated with her unsettled-ness, impatient with her slow drinking. 17 years dreaming of becoming a mother, and I wanted to give up being one in just under a month. It was that tough, and I was that fragile. Despite my despair, I persevered and sought advice from every young parent I knew, read more books, googled every site. From there, I embarked on a rewarding but sometimes frustrating journey of discovery and learning.
And here, now, I would like to share those experiences and knowledge, from one clueless new mom to another.
My Little Hans 